So here's a theory, right? It goes that when you're in love and happy in yourself and you're not desperately seeking someone anymore, when you have that little happy spark inside you, or the warm glow of knowing that you've got someone watching your back on an emotional level, you no longer look nervous and lacking in confidence. You're happy. People LIKE happy people. And so it is often the case that when you're in a happy relationship, not looking for anything any more, you occasionally catch people looking at you. What the hell's up with that? All that time when you were single and you couldn't get anyone, and now you're with someone you seem to have become popular.
Okay, so that's the theory. You may have experienced something like it, and there may be a large heap of coincidence in there too (especially, for example, if you get together with someone in summer, which seems to make everyone look and feel more happy and attractive, and not hiding within a shapeless jacket).
How do you get around that if you're single? Well, two answers are available. I'll discuss those briefly before I go onto my own idea, although no doubt you've already got the gist of it from reading previous posts.
Someone came up with the idea of Cloud Girlfriend, an online site where you essentially create a fictional persona, adopt the picture of someone who looks like they belong in a glamour magazine, and chat with members of the opposite sex who've done likewise. The idea is that you gain the confidence to chat to girls by chatting to girls in a no pressure 'simulated' online dating site. Or something. Or as they say "to get a girlfriend you have to have a girlfriend".
I wrote about it HERE.
In summary, it's a ridiculous idea, and a distraction. But maybe there's something behind it. If you're intensely happy with your virtual life and no longer looking for a girl in the real world, maybe you'll find those real girls start to notice the self satisfied fella in their midst and think "Wow, he's a catch!"
The other idea is from a book by John Selby, called Let Love Find You. I haven't written about that, and probably should, but several of the key elements are mind over matter, letting go of the past, and reducing the amount of static and noise generated by 'transmitting' your desperate desires. In particular this guy says it worked for him, but essentially he'd meditate every day, find his centre, learn to love himself.
It's a neat idea, and it seems to have worked for a lot of people. But I'm shit at meditation. Or, more specifically, finding a still moment to do it.
So what do I do? Well, my own preferred form of meditation is by listening to music. And happy music makes me happy. Deliriously happy love songs that are all about the craziness of being in love, about being head over heals in love with someone... they make me happy... they make me smile... they make me feel as if I'm in love. And sure, in a Shakespearian way it's all to do with being in love with the idea of being in love, but then isn't it better to fixate on an abstract than to fixate on people. I've been there before, and it's quite frankly embarassing. Admitedly I still do it sometimes, and it's still embarassing, but then it's a learning curve. And this whole music thing seems to be doing the trick.
I'll be honest, the first thing you'll see when you look at my music collection is not likely to be "Wow, what a lovely selection of love songs you've got!" But that's why it's been quite a fun project to do in my spare time. It's a little High Fidelity (and man, you have no idea how much this project has made me want to go watch that film today, a film with John Cusack and Jack Black when he was still fresh and funny), but it's been great. I've got a lot of music to plow through, and The Cure and Depeche Mode have a whole bunch of love songs that are upbeat. Well... The Cure do... Depeche Mode have some very honest songs... but all in all I'm finding love songs all over the place I never really knew I had. Pop songs too.. and I'm also sticking some funny tunes in there, because laughter fits the happiness brief too. Richard Cheese doing covers of songs with explicit lyrics makes it hard to do anything with a straight face.
And the results? I've been very happy this week. I had a lot of eye contact with girls on Monday, which may or may not be connected. And I've just generally been a lot easier going. A lot less stressed. I feel a lot more in control. But generally I'm just feeling happy. And yes, I'm also feeling as if I'm in love a lot, so I might want to watch who I spend time with, but it's fun to feel a little flirty, to speak openly about stuff, to stop bottling stuff in and let it out through the music. It's a tap on a lot of unrealised romantic dreaming - I can let it off in short bursts at a time.
Will it work to make me desireable to woman? Hell, I don't know about that. But I'm feeling more 'centred'. I'm enjoying life. The music makes me upbeat and reflective of the good things in my life. So... should I be worried?
Anyhow, I'm just about out of credit here. I'd best sign out. Have fun out there!